To most people I meet, I come across as an unusually nice person. Perhaps courtesy and a nice smile get mistaken for character, or perhaps my most prominent mask is to compensate for what lies beneath.
We all have our personal demons, and I think much of what we put on our faces is either to escape them or to deny them power. For if any of mine were to escape from my mind, and even reach my face, it would be disaster indeed.
For about a week I have been fighting with demons in my head. I woke up one day last week to discover that I could only think awful thoughts and that my ability to look at the bright side of anything was gone. Any attempts at looking at the bright side of the day would lead to a flurry of negative images and thoughts being hurled at me.
So I did what I could to escape; I slept, read comics, watched criminal minds and ate junk food. Slept through days, and nights, missed work, ignored sis though she too is going through bad times, neglected my writing, and basically did nothing.
Fortunately towards Saturday afternoon the voices seemed to have settled and so I took a chocolate-therapy trip, felt much better. Today a close friend called and we both cleared up some bad air, which further enhanced my mood. Worked through the evening, finished the first in my promised series on homosexuality, updated my site, and cleared my Google reader. Later in the night had a much needed heart-to-heart with sis and now as I hit the bed, I feel quiet close to normal. There is something deeply medicinal in hugs.
The demons arent gone, and I know someday they will be back, but I will fight as always, and win.
If you dropped by my clinic yesterday you would have seen a young doctor in a sober black shirt sporting a stethoscope, bustling about from dressing to debridement in gloved hands with about half a dozen multicolored bands around his right wrist. The story behind my Technicolor accessories being that just as I entered the hospital yesterday, I was accosted by a couple of my staff who proceeded to tie colorful bands with “best friends”, “friendship day” and “F.r.i.e.n.d.s” written on them.
Later in the day I was surprised to see that Dundappa, an illiterate octogenarian who visits us once in a while to get de-wormed, was toting quiet a few of these colorful bands on his wrist. Turns out that his grand kids had tied him these, he told us through a once-toothy grin that these were “frunsip buns”
After the OPD I went to the nearby teashop, and was jolted out of my reverie of reading Shashi Tharoor over strong sweet tea by three young strangers who walked up to me with cheerful greetings of “happy friendship day Doctor”. I don’t recall ever having spoken to them before. Ever.
Isn’t it amazing how all these “days” get so fast incorporated into our culture? My village town has a severe deficit of essential drugs for Tb and diarrhea, but not for valentine day cards and friendship bands.
I wonder if this festive inclusiveness is a result of our heritage of Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam, a sign of blind west-aping or just marketing induced hype?
AnandP
My father is one of the best teachers I have ever studied under. His signature style, be it in writing or teaching is simplicity, often leading people to think he does not know much. But those who care to read or listen carefully would realize that his 3 Doctorates are not fake and that a great depth of knowledge and wisdom hides in his simple language.
In his words, “if the ass (like in donkey) in the room does not understand what I am teaching, I am not doing a good job”. He has written extensively and though most of his writing has been in theology, he has a great corpus of material on many other fields from physics (his second PhD), and numismatics (his latest love) to writing.
Over a period of the next 2 months I will be editing and re-shaping 400 odd pages of writing advice that he has written over the last 15 years. As I edit, I will be putting it up, mostly for free, on a new site we are jointly launching.
There is a serious lack of established Indian authors who can guide a younger generation in the art of writing and teaching. Hopefully with this site and a series of ebooks, Dad will pitch in to do his bit.
A bit more about him.
Went to town to send sis off to Vellore, she will be gone for about 10 days, and I will miss her a lot. Some relationships don’t let themselves be confined by their biological directives, and these enrich us greatly, with bets I share a rich and deep friendship that goes beyond out “cousins” tag, and I am eternally grateful to the powers that be for sending her to med school.
I am expecting tough weeks ahead with a team of about 25 dutch volunteers arriving on Monday for helping out in the hospital’s construction and project reports to TLM pending. Also, ever since returning from Delhi, I have been rather lethargic, getting a little work done with great bouts of sleeping and watching criminal minds in the middle.
I have been planning to update the blog for quiet a while now, but when ever I sit down, I want to start where I left off and that is just so over whelming that I dont get past the opening sentenses. So from now I am just going to go forward, maybe I will catch up with the pending stuff, but thats not so important as getting into regular writing.
I don’t know if you have ever felt these, but I get them every morning. Periods of time that seem to fast forward or even skip the middle bits. Take this morning for example. I woke up around 7:30, and then because its too cold just lay there with my eyes open waiting for something, made a call or two, and then, boom, it was 8:30, so I got up, do the morning stuff, get back to the bed in about fifteen minutes, bec the OPD starts only at Nine thirty, and before I can close my eyes and cont to ten its 9:40, weird right?.
I haven’t been able to find any reason for this repeating phenomenon, and after much thinking i have come up with some possibilities:
Just so that you know, this is a sceintifically described condition, and not a product of my somnolent mind.
What!! its 10am already. off to work folks, worry not, once I put my mind to unearth something, come tsunamis or earthquakes, unerarth I will.
ciao
AnandP
I am working on a multi part series on the major arguments against homosexuality, and the first part will be up soon. The topics I will be covering are:
BUT: I will be posting it on a NEW blog, dedicated to all matters of the mind, from beauty to business.
ciao
AnandP
Dad came over last week to spend a week of R&R away from the hustle bustle of home. We have always been great friends and while I have to out put up with his vegetarian diet and computer hogging, the company is totally worth it. He is a polymath of sorts, doctorates in physics, theology and alternative medicine, a true computer geek and on top of that his latest obsession is Indian coins in which he has already written extensively. Our conversations oscillate from Indian history and archeology to theology, in which he is one of the few people I have not grown tired of debating with.
He leaves tomorrow, and am sure gonna miss him.
Having said that, I would any day choose him/mom/sis coming over for short visits than long ones of say 2 weeks or more. I like my privacy and being around people always means eventually your space gets invaded into.
Dunno how well I am going to take permanent intrusions into personal space. From the evidence I have on hand from a limited controlled trial, things look hopeful 
Dad, btw is Shastri JC Philip of Sarathi which is one of the top ten most read Hindi blogs
ciao
AnandP
This is a day that will go down in the memory of every equality activist and hundreds of NGO’s that work in the HIV/AIDS/MSM arena.
In a reassuring display of fairness and good sense the Delhi HIgh court declared today that consensual sex between adults in private cannot be called criminal as it is agianst the freedom of an individual as prescribed by the constitutions of india.
“We declare Section 377 of IPC in so far as it criminalises consensual sexual acts of adults in private is violative of Articles 14, 21 and 15 of the Constitution,” the Bench comprising Chief Justice A P Shah and Justice S Murlidhar said.
TOI reports
the goveenment is being vauge about it, nothing new, but at least they are not opposing it, so far.
“It is between the court and the government and the party has nothing to do with it,” party spokesman Shakeel Ahmed
The three articles the judgement refers to are:
Article 21 Protection Of Life And Personal Liberty:
Article 14 Equality before law
Article 15 Prohibition of discrimination on grounds of religion, race, caste, sex or place of birth
Here is a chronology of the gay rights legal struggle in india by Economic times.
Gotta get back to work.
Now I can offer condoms and advice to the male sex workers and Hijras who come to my clinic legally.
Ciao
Anand P
For the last one week, Bangalore has been hosting its second queer pride festival. While it is nothing like the Mardi Gras-esq ones in Europe, it has a well planned and relevant itinerary. The main motivation for the pride marches is is the attitude of our law to the LGTB community.
Homosexuals in India are legally criminals. Section 377 of the IPC says that anyone who has ‘carnal intercourse against the order of nature’ may be imprisoned for up to 10 years. In the days it was drafted, anything from oral sex to even using a condom was considered unnatural. In spite of the British having left, and much of the unnatural having become natural and normal, this archaic law that discriminates against homosexuals is still in place. Though India has long stopped prosecuting consensual couples under the law, it is still a source of exploitation and places power in wrong hands.
What bothers me the most in about the gay rights discussion is the misplaced focus from the real problem facing trans-genders and people with alternate sexual preferences. Gay rights isn’t about the right to practice sodomy, it is about the right to be treated like a human being. It is about being allowed to be a Indian citizen, a valued part of the democracy.
That the pride marches are allowed and encouraged even, is a clear sign of the very high tolerance levels of the aam admi, as well as rising awareness about these issues. One must also concede that the non interference of the law enforcement agencies with the pride marches are an indication that law and policy have changed, if not on paper, certainly in the minds of people.
There is no doubt that the coming years are going to see definite and positive change towards equality and dignity. I think we can be confident that the day when pride marches are not demonstrations but festivals is not too far away.
AnandP
Read more about Bengaluru Pride 2009
Ps: I am not done, upcoming on the blog are posts on misconceptions about homosexuality and why my friends thought I was gay.
Photo by queeryouthindia
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