This is a letter i wrote to a friend after my final year MBBS exams, I had just failed the exam. dated late 2006
Right after I finished my theory exams I made plans for what to do with the extra six months I was sure to get. Surgery was bad, pediatrics was impossible and I knew there was no way someone could read my paper and give me 50%. Then I forgot about the plans temporarily because I had practicals. They went astonishingly well. I know full well I did not know enough even on the day of the exam, particularly in orthopedics. But I passed. pediatrics , the scary one, went without much trouble. I passed that too. So I celebrated, since they were over, and buried the worry of the results. Just looking forward to the well deserved break, I took off.
I enjoyed myself thoroughly. Became chubby, went to Gwalior, blogged and what not. All his time the results were the last thought on my mind. Then time for the break was over, and I was to go back.
That was a terrible thought.
They wanted us to join internship even before the results were out.!!! What if I failed? I wont, they told me, I told myself. So we went through orientation with grumbling, expressed our opinion, got lucky. Then we waited and waited.
Somewhere along the line I began to hope.
It might have been during my holidays because I was drunk on pleasure, or it might have been the in Vellore, among the cold and impersonal concrete monuments and warm and special friends.
Hope that somehow the corrector will overlook my Himalayan blunders and black hole sized holes in the fabric of my answers. Hope that I will graduate with my friends. Hope that things will be alright.
That is what causes most hurt, hope.
Faith I have little, so that did not dig in.
Wonder why of the pantheon of virtues and godly characters mentioned in the scriptures Paul mentioned only faith hope and love?
They are what has given mankind its happiest moments. They are that which empowered social change, brought about justice and kept peace. Harmony needs hope and love. Service needs love and hope.
They are also behind mankind’s bleakest hours and greatest miseries. Misplaced love, reasonless hope, and blind faith. These have not just caused wars and crusades, but everyday kill the spirits of million of souls world wide.
Our greatest assets are also our greatest weakness and sometimes, enemies.
Ain’t man thoroughly messed up.